Wembley was packed on this hot sunny day
And pop stars were booked up to come here and play
We'd all spent our hard earned cash for a place
For one ticket the price was quite a disgrace
But the concert would last for nine hours or so
And that's a long time for a one-off live show
The opening acts were Kylie and Bros
Following them was a bloke called Jon Moss
I thought he'd retired when Culture Club split
And watching his act made me thing he should quit
Then Erasure came on to loud yells and roars
They sang "Blue Savannah" and got loads of applause
Bob Geldof appeared to welcome us here
We greeted him warmly with a shout and a cheer
He announced the next act saying, "Now here's a lad
He's a smooth criminal and his music is bad
I want you to welcome on stage here today
Mr Michael Jackson, Mike take it away"
Well the crowd then erupted and shouted his name
Then in went the sun and out came the rain
And Michael refused to perform in the wet
So Geldof quickly had to alter the set
Instead on came Tina, the Grandma of rock
She wore ten-inch heels and a gold lamé frock
She screeched out the lyrics to hits from the past
Then she messed up the words and ran off rather fast
Then at last the rain stopped and out came the sun
By now all the crowd were having really good fun
Then on came Bob Geldof again to present
The one and only hero of rock from near Kent
And everyone knew who it was straight away
They chanted and shouted and screamed loudly "Hooray"
And on walked a figure in a black and white suit
The noise from the audience was rather acute
With guitar in his left hand and chair in his right
Mr Bowie looked ready to play there all night
He sat down and stared at us, sternly yet calm
He'd got the entire stadium eating out of his palm
As the first chords to "Space Oddity" sailed through the air
We all screamed with laughter as he fell off his chair
But he got up and chuckled and continued to play, saying
"I didn't want to sit on that chair anyway"
He sang some more hits like "Heroes" and "Fame"
And a slightly obscure one called "It's No Game"
He gave us a bow then disappeared like a shot
By now we were boiling, it really was hot
Bob Geldof returned looking nervous and pale
"We tried to get Michael back but to no avail
He wouldn't perform in the sweltering sun
For fear that he'd melt or his mascara would run"
Instead on came Jagger and Keith Richards too
Said Mick "Ronnie's ill and Bill's on the loo
But we'll give satisfaction though you can count on us pair
But don't hold your breath cos that wouldn't be fair"
After a while as they strutted on stage
Elton stormed on in an outburst of rage
"I really do think it is time you should learn
Not to hog all the show, now get off it's my turn"
A fight did ensue, a somewhat vicious display
Security rushed on but just got in the way
From the wings Geldof shouted "the next bloody punch
Will ensure that the person involved gets no lunch"
The Stones they did scarper and Elton began
He first sang "Nikita" and then "Rocket Man"
Paul McCartney was next on with his little act
He came on his own his band had been sacked
He played the piano and sang a few hits
But the acoustics were awful, it sounded the pits
Alison Moyet joined him to do a duet
Then Status Quo and then Wet Wet Wet
Madonna breezed on singing "Papa Don't Preach"
Then the mike had some feedback, it didn't half screech
mailtoThis made her jump and she went white as a sheet
She bolted off stage with her set incomplete
Phil Collins was next and he looked a bit tired
"It's very hot isn't it, no jacket required"
The Eurythmics were the penultimate act and were great
By now it was dark and getting quite late
Then came the finale to finish the show
But nobody there really wanted to go
So we had a few encores from the stars on before
David Bowie came back and sang a few more
He was joined by the Stones then Kylie and Phil
Then with the Eurythmics and Tina they ended the bill
Bob Geldof came on and asked us to say
What the last song we wanted to hear was today
Everyone yelled out and shouted the same
If it wasn't played now it would be a real shame
So we carried on chanting until we got our vote
This concert would end on a hilarious note
David Bowie ended the night with his song "Laughing Gnome"
Then he said "Goodnight all, it's time to go home"
© Charlie 1990
